Separated at birth?

I knew I'd seen him somewhere.

Trivia Night May 5

More Monday humour

A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrofile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution, bored out of their minds.

"How about having sex with a cat?" asked the zoofile.
"Lets have sex with the cat and then torture it!" said the sadist.
"Lets have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it" shouted the murderer.
"Lets have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again" said the necrofile.
"Lets have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it and then burn it" said the pyromaniac.

Silence took over....

Then everyone turned to the masochist and asked: "So, what's it gonna be?"

To which he replied: "Meow..."

Stress management

So you've had a rough week. Thoroughly recommended is the following stress management technique from the brightest minds in latest psychological studies.

Don't be shy; it really works....

1. Picture yourself near a stream.
2. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air.
3. No one but you knows your secret place.
4. You are in total seclusion from the hectic place called "the world"!
5. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
6. The water is crystal clear.
7. You can easily make out the face of the person you're holding underwater.

See! You're smiling already.

God only knows....

Darwin Awards 2005

Darwin awards are based on quality of stupidity. Here then, are the glorious winners.

1. When his 38-calibre revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.....

And now, the honourable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

Argentine rocker charged for wanting a joint

ARGENTINE rocker Andres Calamaro was charged Monday for saying he would like to smoke marijuana over 10 years ago. "I feel so good that I could smoke a joint," Calamaro told a crowd of 100,000 fans on November 19, 1994 in La Plata, 50 kilometers south of Buenos Aries.

Calamaro, 43, thought he was off the hook in 1995 when a group of enraged parents hauled him before a judge, who dismissed the charges of justifying a crime.

It took over 10 years for the parents to find a less tolerant judge.

"This trial is absurd, it's Kafkaesque," Calamaro's lawyer, Jose Stefanuolo told reporters and a crowd of fans who came to support the rocker. The lawyer said he will try to get the case dismissed. If that doesn't work, he will invoke the statute of limitations.

AFP April 20, 2005

Tribute to Queen Camilla

Just received this awesome little track. Had to put it up for all to hear. Does require sound, and well worth a listen!!!

http://stablesound.co.uk/mp3/camillaqueen.mp3

Drinks for Red's Birthday

Phoenix Bar

Princess Catherine (AKA Red) will be celebrating her birthday this weekend with drinks on Firday night in town. We'll be heading to the Phoenix Bar, 82 Flinders Street, Melbourne at around 8pm. Hope to see you all there.