RATS WORLD: January 2006

Moe girls....

A Moe girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress" she says. "Come again?" says the worker, cupping his ear. "No" she replies, "This time it's mayonnaise".

Another Moe girl was involved in a serious crash; there's blood everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till she's lying flat out on the floor:
Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed"
Sharon: "Ok"
Medic: "How many fingers am I putting up?"
Sharon: "Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!"

A Moe girl goes to Centrelink to register for child benefits. "How many children?" asks the assessor. "10" replies the Moe girl. "10?" says the council worker, "What are their names?". "Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and Wayne". "Doesn't that get confusing?" asks the council worker. "Naah..." says the Moe girl, "It’s great because if they are out playing in the street I just have to shout WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S READY or WAAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..."."What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed council worker. "That's easy," says the Moe girl... "I just use their surnames"

Moe girl enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator. The man says "Choose from our range on the wall". She says "I'll take the red one". The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher".

Moe girl is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and bleeding. The paramedics soon arrive on site:
Medic: "It's OK I'm a paramedic and I'm going to ask you some questions?"
Girl: "OK"
Medic: "What's your name?"
Girl: "Sharon"
Medic: "OK Sharon, is this your car?"
Sharon: "Yes"
Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"
Sharon: "Moe, mate"

A Moe girl was driving down the Gippsland Hwy when her car phone rang. It was her boyfriend, urgently warning her, "Treacle, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on the Gippie Highway. Please be careful!". "It's not just one car!" said the Moe girl, there are hundreds of them!"

A Moe girl and an Irish guy are in a bar when the Moe girl notices something strange about the boots the Irish guy is wearing. She says, "Scuse me mate, I aint being funny or nuffink, but why duz one of your boots 'ave an L on it and the uva one's got an R on it?" So the Irish guy smiles, puts down his pint of Guinness and replies, "Well, oim a little bit tick you see. The one wit the R on it is for me roight foot and the one wit the L is for me left foot". "Aw geez, exclaims the Moe girl, "So THATS why me knickers 'ave got C&A on them!"

You gotta love Robin Williams

Robin Williams, wearing a shirt that says "I love New York" in Arabic.

You gotta love Robin Williams......

Even if he's nuts! Leave it to Robin Williams to come up with the perfect plan. What we need now is for our UN Ambassadors to stand up and repeat this message.

Robin Williams' plan...(Hard to argue with this logic!)

"I see a lot of people yelling for peace but I have not heard of a plan for peace. So, here's one plan."

1) "The US will apologize to the world for our "interference" in their affairs, past & present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Tojo, Noriega, Milosevic, Hussein, and the rest of those "good ole boys", we will never "interfere" again.

2) We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany, South Korea, the Middle East, and the Philippines. They don't want us there. We would station troops at our borders. No one allowed sneaking through holes in the fence.

3) All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave. We'll give them a free trip home. After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of whom or where they are. They're illegal!!! France will welcome them.

4) All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless given a special permit!!!! No one from a terrorist nation will be allowed in. If you don't like it there, change it yourself and don't hide here. Asylum would never be available to anyone. We don't need any more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers.

5) No foreign "students" over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they don't attend classes, they get a "D" and it's back home baby.

6) The US will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient energy wise. This will include developing nonpolluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while.

7) Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If they don't like it, we go someplace else. They can go somewhere else to sell their production. (About a week of the wells filling up the storage sites would be enough.)

8) If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not "interfere." They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need. Besides most of what we give them is stolen or given to the army. The people who need it most get very little, if anything.

9) Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island someplace. We don't need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.

10) All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can call us "Ugly Americans" any longer. The Language we speak is ENGLISH...learn it...or LEAVE...Now, isn't that a winner of a plan?

"The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses." She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, 'you want a piece of me?' "