Clueless....no way!

A Class Above the Rest

OK. So they didn't win the 2nd annual Monash Gryphons Lawn Bowls Championship. If fact they didn't win a game. Does anyone care?

It doesn't change the fact that this team of gals would have to be the hottest foursome ever to take to the greens of the Auburn Lawn Bowls Club. Thanks for coming along ladies and adding to the day. Rumour has it that if you all come next year, Ron at the club will let us have the greens for nothing, though he has suggested you wear the standard short white skirts next time! What say you?

Blame these men....

Barrett and Bracks

A few folks have been wondering I why haven't posted much over the last few weeks. Well, these two men are to blame.

Barrett, or "Billy" as we like to call him, is my assistant manager. He's been working for the company for 45 years, and is currently on vacation. What does this mean? It means I have his work to do rather than just my usual net surfing and blogging.

And why is it Bracksy's fault. I'll tell you why. With an election coming up, he and his fellow MP's have been badgering me for "vote winning solutions" to the public transport system in my area. The solution is simple Steve, just give us more money. The bids are in, let the lobbying begin.

I guess in truth I'm really just bitching about having to work....but it's my blog and I'll cry if I want too.

A Short Prayer

More hump day humour

Harold is 95 and lives in a senior citizen home. Every night after dinner, Harold goes to a secluded garden behind the centre to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life.

One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden.

They begin to chat, and before they know it, several hours have passed. After a short lull in their conversation, Harold turns to Mildred and asks, "Do you know what I miss most of all? She asks, "What?" and he replies "SEX!!" Mildred exclaims, "Why you old fart, you couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your head!" "I know," Harold says, "but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it for a while." "Well, I can oblige," says Mildred, as she unzips his trousers, removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it.

Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Harold's manhood.

Then, one night, Harold didn't show up at their usual meeting place. Alarmed, Mildred decided to find Harold and make sure he was O.K. She walked around the senior citizen home where she found him sitting by the pool with another female resident, Ethel, who was holding Harold's manhood!

Furious, Mildred yelled, "You two-timing creep! What does Ethel have that I don't have?" Old Harold smiled happily....and said, "Parkinson's disease."

Take only as directed

He's not the Messiah....

Joshua

.....he's my nephew. This is Joshua, lapping it up fountain side in sunny Perth. Caught up with the not so little fella last Friday when my sister and her husband returned to Melbourne for a visit. He may look cute, but like all 18 month old boys, he's quite a handful. A few people have said he looks like I did when I was his age...so Josh...the future looks bright. Handsome isn't he.

Georgie's B'day - Spreading the word

Syrup Lounge

In case you still don't know, the only place to be this Saturday night is Syrup to celebrate Georgie's birthday. See you there!

When: 5th February 2005, after 8PM.
Where: Syrup Lounge, 375 Inkerman St. East St Kilda.

Hump day humour

The following are all replies that Dallas Texas USA women have written on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing father's name details. These are genuine excerpts from the forms. Be sure to check number 11, it takes the prize.

1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by Jim Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.

2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She as conceived at a party at 3600 Grand Avenue where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father, can you send me his phone number? Thanks.

4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.

5. I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he is Christ risen again.

6. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise.

7. I do not know who the father of my child was as all blacks look the same to me.

8. Peter Smith is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?

9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Disney World; maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.

10. So much about that night is just a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 146 Miller Drive, mine might have remained unfertilized.

11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.

Gotta love those Virgins

Vampire Party 2005

Yes, it's my favorite cult at it again. As some of you may know, I am a member of the "Eleven Virgins" (see January 2005 archives). Not only do they parade at Carnival every year, but they also hold an annual Vampire Party. What's the connection? I don't really know. But I'm going to do my best to be there next year. Great photo Dirk....but where is Birte?

http://www.cologneshots.com/karneval/index.html

Is this the turning point?

Victory!

I am inspired by the success of the elections held in Iraq on Sunday. Though much maligned for my support of George W Bush, I believe the significance of the election will be long remembered as a turning point in the Middle East. Do I sound optimistic....I hope so.

Clearly the media over the last six months have had no real idea of the understanding Iraqis have of their own situation. While the world thought the elections would flop (and I'm sure some European leaders actually hoped it would), and that no Iraqis would vote, the people of Iraq waited for this day and made a proud statement to the world. Democracy and freedom are not just words hijacked by the current US administration, they are words that mean everything to those that don't have them.

I'm sure there will be those that will dismiss the result as Western propaganda, but these people have no idea. They are pessimistic, cynical defeatists who would have you believe that life under a brutal dictator is better than a democracy forced on a nation. I believe they are wrong, and I believe the people of Iraq showed that - given the chance to have their own voices heard - they came out en masse. I read a fantastic article in The Australian by Mark Steyn: The "Civil War" that wasn't. It best sums up my feelings towards the hypocritical and ignorant dooms dayers that fill up our media which political, anti American depressing news stories. Great read Mark.

theaustralian.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,5744,12107390%5E7583,00.html

I hope this is a turning point, for Iraq, for self serving European leaders, and for the left wing press.