Lucky bugger...

Two Arab Mothers....

Two Arab mothers are sitting in a cafe shop in Baghdad chatting over a pint of warm goat's milk. The older of the mothers pulls her bag out and starts flipping through pictures and they start reminiscing.

"This is my oldest son Mohammed. He's 24 years old". "Yes, I remember him as a baby" says the other mother cheerfully. "He's a martyr now though" mum confides, "a suicide bomber". "Oh, so sad dear" says the other.

"And this is my second son Khalid. He's 21". "Oh, I remember him" says the other happily, "he had such curly hair when he was born". "He's a martyr too" says mum quietly, "a car bomber". "Oh gracious me" says the other.

"And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He's 18" she whispers. "Yes" says the friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first started school". "He's a martyr also" says mum, with tears in her eyes.

After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says..."Aah they blow up so fast, don't they?".

Jimmy and the Croc

A rich man living in Darwin decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbours. He also invited Jimmy, the only aboriginal in the neighbourhood.

He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating prawns, oysters and BBQ and flirting.

At the height of the party, the host said, "I have a 15ft man-eating crocodile in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the balls to jump in."

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Jimmy in the pool!

Jimmy was fighting the croc and kicking its ass! Jimmy was jabbing the croc in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, doing all kinds of shit, like head butts and chokeholds, biting the croc on the tail and flipping the croc through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.

The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Jimmy and the croc were screaming and raising hell. Finally Jimmy strangled the croc and let it float to the top like a K-mart goldfish. Jimmy then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.

Finally the host says, "Well, Jimmy, I reckon I owe you a million dollars."

Nah, you all right, I don't want it," said Jimmy.

The rich man said, "Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet.
How about half a million bucks then?"

"No thanks. I don't want it," answered Jimmy.

The host said, "Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?"

Again Jimmy said no.

Confused, the rich man asked, "Well Jimmy, then what do you want?"

Jimmy said, "I want the name of the c*#t who pushed me in the pool

Nemesis of escaped Nazis dies

Those of you that don't know who Nazi hunter Simon Wiesenthal (1908 - 2005) was should read some of the articles about him in today's papers. For myself, being a child of refugee parents and having almost all my extended family murdered during the holocaust, he was a champion for the survivors and the dead.

http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,5744,16671573%255E601,00.html
Source: The Australian

http://english.aljazeera.net/NR/exeres/BB734D84-62CA-489E-8337-592E8C19DA58.htm
Source: Aljazeera.net

http://www.israelnationalnews.com/news.php3?id=90166
Source: Arutz Sheva

Ungodly humour...

Twelve priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy, beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them. Each priest had a small bell attached to his weenie and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.

The beautiful model danced before the first candidate, with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest, Carlos. Poor Carlos. As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that if flew off, clattered across the ground and laid to rest in nearby foliage.

Embarrassed, Carlos quickly scrambled to where the bell came to rest and bent over to pick it up. Then all the other bells started to ring....

Humpday Humour

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket, where she selected:

* 1 litre of Milk,
* a carton of eggs,
* a litre of orange juice,
* a head of lettuce,
* a 500g can of coffee, and
* a kilo package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the drunk's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what? You're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."

Help has finally arrived in New Orleans!

Gas Prices!

Monash Gryphons

This Saturday, 10th of September, the Monash Gryphons Reserves Grade team will be playing in the Grand Final against St. Johns. Come down and support the boys as they try to make history by winning the clubs first premiership. The game is at Preston City Oval, Preston at 11.30am. Hope to see the entire Gryphon Army there!!!

International Symbol for Marriage

Be the ball kitty!