The Rabbi & the Taxman

At the end of the tax year the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, "I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?" "Good question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles." "Oh" replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer.

But on he went, in his obnoxious way: "What about all these matzo purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?" "Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, realising that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send a free box of matzo balls." "I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi.

"Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?" "Here, too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete prick."

Paul Hester

Died Melbourne, aged 46.

The last time I was lucky enough to see Paul Hester was at the Finn Brothers concert in November last year. While he only came on stage for a couple of songs (one by Crowded House, one by Split Enz), the applause he received when he came on and off was as great as any heard throughout the night. He not only made me laugh that night, he also had me reminiscing about other concerts I'd seen him in before, especially when Crowded House played the final gig at The Venue in St.Kilda. Like many, I now feel numb at the news he took his own life. What a really sad day it is.

Rats AFL Ladder

As good a place as any, here is my prediction for the way the AFL ladder will look at the end of the 2005 home and away season.

Power
Eagles
Saints
Lions
Demons
Bombers
Crows
Swans
Dockers
Cats
Kangaroos
Blues
Tigers
Bulldogs
Magpies
Hawks

Go Dons!!!

Hospital Charts

Actual writings from hospital charts:

1. The patient refused autopsy.
2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
6. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
9. Discharging status: Alive but without my permission.
10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15. Occaisional, constant infrequent headaches.
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17. Rectal examination revealed normal sized thyroid.
18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physiotherapy.
20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

Hump day humour

Terrorism alert in France

AP and UPI reported that the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "run" to "hide." The only two higher levels in France are "surrender" and "collaborate." The raise was precipitated by the recent fire which destroyed one of France's white flag factories, completely disabling its military.

Shortest Fairy Tale Ever!

Once upon a time a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?"
She said "No"
And the guy lived happily ever after

Why women cannot work in IT

Where did I come from?

Current map of the region

I recently discovered that a distant relative in the U.S. had compiled a family tree. Below is my immediate family tree going back as far as 1834. Sadly it only covers my mother's side of the family, as all records on my father's side were destroyed in WWII.

Betty "Babette" Krumholz (Great Great Grandmother) was born in Szczawnica, Galicien which is now a part of Southern Poland, near the border of Slovakia, in 1834. This is not far from where she settled down with her husband Izidor (Great Great Grandfather) in Slovakia. At the time Betty was born, this was a part of Austria-Hungary. Betty and Izidor had a number of children including Geza (Great Grandfather). Izidor passed away October 4, 1879.

Geza (Great Grandfather), and his twin Kornell, were born October 28, 1877 in Altendorf, Austria-Hungary. From what I can tell - Altendorf is an alternate, historical name for what is now Spišská Stará Ves, Slovakia.

In the 1930-s Geza and his wife Regina Grunwald (Great Grandmother) lived in Zilina, Czechoslovakia. Geza died in the late 1930-s or early 40-s, and was buried in Zilina. Regina survived the Holocaust with their two daughters Edda (Grandmother) and Magda (Great Aunt) and emigrated to Australia with Edda and her husband Karol Palan (Grandfather) and granddaughter Katrina Palan (Mother). Magda and her husband Julius Gregor followed them later (early 60-s) to Australia.

Julius was a pharmacist and had a pharmacy in Zilina, Czechoslovakia before WW II. Toward the end of the war they moved to Bratislava and survived the Holocaust. Magda was a literary person. In the post WW II years she wrote a few books and participated actively in the Writers' Guild of Slovakia in the capital city Bratislava. The anti-Semitic campaign of the communist regime in the mid 50-s forced her to leave the country and join her sister Edda in Australia.

Edda's husband, Karol Palan, was hidden in a small room during the holocaust. Being a tall man, this caused problems for his back. One day in the late 1960's, Karol read a newspaper article about Martin Pollner. Marty had been written up about some U.N. work he had done. Karol sent Marty a very detailed Pollner family tree and were able to establish the family relationship. They corresponded quite a bit in the late 1960's. In fact, Katrina visited the family in New York in 1967 - a trip that she still vividly remembers. Some of their letters I still have.

Karol passed away in 1969 eight days after the birth of his first grandchild, David (Me). Afterwards, Edda re-married to Paul Boros. Katrina and her husband (John) have 2 children - David and Judi (Sister). Judi & her husband Andrew have a baby boy, Joshua (Nephew), born in June, 2003.

A gift for the Irish 

With Sincerity

The Bigger Picture

While most of you know I have been a supporter of the war in Iraq, often alone among friends and the international press, it appears the times are changing as the big picture becomes clearer. I was led to this article in London's "The Independent", titled "Was Bush right after all?". It is an extremely interesting read published in a paper famous in the UK for it's anti-war and anti-Bush stance. Check it out:

http://news.independent.co.uk/world/middle_east/story.jsp?story=617840

It discusses the events currently unfolding not just in Iraq, but throughout the entire Middle East, changes that I believe can only be for the better.

See you all there!!!

The Buffalo Theory

Nice excuse!